Beating the Holiday Blues Starts with Caring for Yourself
The holiday season may trigger a case of the holiday blues for people dealing with the death of a loved one.
"Traditions are no longer the same when a loved one has passed away, and pressures to be cheerful and celebrate the season can be overwhelming," said Webb Brown, M.Div., hospice chaplain for VNA Care Network & Hospice.
The holiday blues are about loss and are marked by feelings of stress, depression and sadness. Although part of the normal grieving process, these feelings seemed to be heightened during the holidays.
Robert Purdy, M.Div., LMHC, chaplain/bereavement coordinator for VNA Care Network & Hospice, said, "Make time for yourself and don't be pressured by well meaning family and friends as to what you should or shouldn't do for your holiday traditions. Trust your instincts and celebrate in a way that is comfortable for you."
Although there is no cure-all for the holiday blues, the following strategies from VNA Care Network & Hospice's health care professionals can help you cope with the stress and pain.
SET LIMITS ON YOUR ACTIVITIES
Trying to create the perfect holiday will only increase your stress levels. Before adding another chore or social obligation to your holiday "to do" list, VNA Care Network & Hospice's staff recommends asking yourself a few questions: Would the holidays be the same without it? Should I do this differently this year? Is this something I do out of choice, habit or obligation? Can someone else help? Do I enjoy doing this?
If you choose to go ahead with the activity, think about less stressful ways to accomplish it. For example, a trip to the mall isn't the only way to buy gifts. Try shopping by catalogue or ordering items from stores on the internet.
Don't be afraid to ask for help. What may be draining for you can be a fun activity for a relative or friend and a way for them to express their support during a difficult time.
PLAN AHEAD AND CREATE NEW TRADITIONS
Decide in advance whether to maintain holiday traditions or create new ones. Replicating your usual activities may magnify your loss. Slight changes, such as opening gifts on a different day, may ease the stress of the season. Be sure to have a plan, and remember you can always change your mind.
HONOR YOUR LOVED ONE'S MEMORY
At various times during the year, but especially during the holidays, it is important to honor the memory of your loved one. Light a candle, place their picture close to your dinner table, set a place for them at the table, or buy a gift in their honor and donate it to charity or give it to a relative or friend. Most importantly, talk about your loved one. Share memories with family and friends and allow yourself to laugh and cry.
SHARE YOUR FEELINGS
Keeping your emotions to yourself may only make you feel worse. If you're not comfortable talking to family or friends, try joining a free bereavement support group or seeking the counsel of a therapist, social worker, or member of the clergy.
BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Give yourself a gift or do something special like watching your favorite movie. Resist the urge to overindulge. Too much food and alcohol contribute to the holiday blues, according to the staff at VNA Care Network & Hospice. Exercise helps fight depression, and relaxation techniques reduce stress.
REACH OUT TO OTHERS
If the loss of a loved one leaves you alone during the holidays, seek ways to connect with other people. Call your senior center about holiday events or volunteer for a charity.